Day 8, and the worst day so far, i am not in the slightest bit hungry and feeling so so guilty about last night's blip :(
seriously considering giving up on cd and switching to sw instead, i know it is'nt the right choice to make, and that i need a 'break from food' in order to sort out my issues but its sooo hard not to eat, its not natural to not have food, having had 19 years of eating what ever food and however much food i want to sticking to 3 shakes a day, it has to be on of the hardest things i will ever do. I know WHEN i manage it i will be soo proud of myself, its just gonna take a lot of time and effort, i have images of what i need to focus on but food is soo tempting, its evil tho!!!
I now realise weekends are my downfall, so although i am looking for a weekday job, i am considering working on a weekend too in order that it will be less time for me to eat, also the extra money can pay off my debts.
bad bad day, looking forward to tomorrow to re-start all positive!!!
xxx
big hugs and love to minimins yas r fab, couldnt do this without yas
xxx
Sunday, 29 April 2007
Friday, 27 April 2007
27th April 2007
OMG wat an awful day :(
started off really good, went shopping with kayleigh and had really nice time, went back to hers and helped her make truffles :)
went for my weigh in and have lost 8lbs honestly thought i would have lost more than that so bit gutted, it is due for totm tho. Then my ex started being nasty and winding me up about his new girlfriend and i ended up going to the cash machine gettin money out jus to have a binge :( i had a egg mayo sandwich, 3 bags of crisps and 4 bars of chocolate :( i feel so so bad, my tummy killed so much and i cdnt stop cryin, thank god for minimins otherwise i dont no how i wud cope, thanks to anyone from minimins who is reading who helps support me and keeps me sane :) and i feel i have to admit i have made myself sick :( i am never ever cheating again i feel so bad
so tomorrow is a new day :)
xxx
started off really good, went shopping with kayleigh and had really nice time, went back to hers and helped her make truffles :)
went for my weigh in and have lost 8lbs honestly thought i would have lost more than that so bit gutted, it is due for totm tho. Then my ex started being nasty and winding me up about his new girlfriend and i ended up going to the cash machine gettin money out jus to have a binge :( i had a egg mayo sandwich, 3 bags of crisps and 4 bars of chocolate :( i feel so so bad, my tummy killed so much and i cdnt stop cryin, thank god for minimins otherwise i dont no how i wud cope, thanks to anyone from minimins who is reading who helps support me and keeps me sane :) and i feel i have to admit i have made myself sick :( i am never ever cheating again i feel so bad
so tomorrow is a new day :)
xxx
26th April 2007
I havent done well with the water today :( was supposed to and see my mam today but we both had loads on so stayed at home to do my uni work.
made a muffin but unfortunatly i burned it to a crisp, it was soooo hard and tasted of black toast so i cudnt even eat it :( i was looking forward to it to, felt reall hungry all day today so split my packs into 5 and it made things a bit easier, also with all the uni work i am doin i needed a lot of little boosts of food rather than just the 3. Its Leighs birthday night out tonight and i am no going, one cos of uni work but 2 cos i really really dont think i can possibly go out and not rink, i know what state they are goin to be in, she is not impressed tho, but they cant possibly understand how hard it is until ya have tried it.
xxx
made a muffin but unfortunatly i burned it to a crisp, it was soooo hard and tasted of black toast so i cudnt even eat it :( i was looking forward to it to, felt reall hungry all day today so split my packs into 5 and it made things a bit easier, also with all the uni work i am doin i needed a lot of little boosts of food rather than just the 3. Its Leighs birthday night out tonight and i am no going, one cos of uni work but 2 cos i really really dont think i can possibly go out and not rink, i know what state they are goin to be in, she is not impressed tho, but they cant possibly understand how hard it is until ya have tried it.
xxx
Thursday, 26 April 2007
25th April 2007
Day 5 and i am now really looking forward to my weigh in, i must have definalty lost cos i feel a lot better in myself already, think thats mainly cos i am not bloated etc, and managed with the water really really well today, so i am very pleased, although i do still crave foods, i havent even thought about eating anything in the sightest and havent had to remind myself 'moment on the lips, life time on the hips' hhahha
I met kayleigh through minimins and we went to meet our cdc together, since then we have text eachother a lot for support and things and we are gonna meet up next week to try and make some of the 'cooked' packs, she has just sent me the loveliest text sayin how she feels she has known me forever and do i wanna go on her hen night in may :D how sweet, worked out its even in the add a meal week so hopefully i can jus have chicken when we go for the meal and then drink water all night, i really dont want to give in, cos i dont think i could cope with day 1 to 3 again.
made myself a treat tonight a kinda mint mars bar mmmmm was quite nice i made the1/2 the vanilla pack into a chocolate bar and then 1/2 the mint choc pack into abar when they were nearly done i put them on top of eachother in kinda of a mars bar shape, and it was well nice :D
xxx
I met kayleigh through minimins and we went to meet our cdc together, since then we have text eachother a lot for support and things and we are gonna meet up next week to try and make some of the 'cooked' packs, she has just sent me the loveliest text sayin how she feels she has known me forever and do i wanna go on her hen night in may :D how sweet, worked out its even in the add a meal week so hopefully i can jus have chicken when we go for the meal and then drink water all night, i really dont want to give in, cos i dont think i could cope with day 1 to 3 again.
made myself a treat tonight a kinda mint mars bar mmmmm was quite nice i made the1/2 the vanilla pack into a chocolate bar and then 1/2 the mint choc pack into abar when they were nearly done i put them on top of eachother in kinda of a mars bar shape, and it was well nice :D
xxx
24th April 2007
day 4 which means over half the first week over now :D and i am doing really well, am quite impressed with myself cos i never thought i could stick to it and feel this positive by now, by day 3 on ll last year i was ready to give up, and this time has been harder due to basically 'student life' of drink and takeaways constantally in my house
I have come to the conclusion that i feel i am more positive this time, because i chose to do it off my own back rather than last time when it was cos i was sick and tired of all my family going on about my weight and then my mam suggesting ll so i did it without really thinking or preparing myself fully. Also last time i feel it was a kind of show, everyone was constantly asking what i was having next etc, or they would go ou the house if they wanted to eat, which done my head in, this time it seems a lot more normal now that i live in student halls cos tbh no one is really that bothered what am eating, although dont get me wrong they do keep asking how i am doing :)
done ok with the water today, had such a stressful day at uni, been given the most ridicoulous amounts of assignments to do, but next week is my last week of teaching so as soon as the assignments are in i am finished, so i dont really have time to eat anyways hahha
xxx
I have come to the conclusion that i feel i am more positive this time, because i chose to do it off my own back rather than last time when it was cos i was sick and tired of all my family going on about my weight and then my mam suggesting ll so i did it without really thinking or preparing myself fully. Also last time i feel it was a kind of show, everyone was constantly asking what i was having next etc, or they would go ou the house if they wanted to eat, which done my head in, this time it seems a lot more normal now that i live in student halls cos tbh no one is really that bothered what am eating, although dont get me wrong they do keep asking how i am doing :)
done ok with the water today, had such a stressful day at uni, been given the most ridicoulous amounts of assignments to do, but next week is my last week of teaching so as soon as the assignments are in i am finished, so i dont really have time to eat anyways hahha
xxx
Tuesday, 24 April 2007
23rd April 2007
Day 3 and I am officially in Ketosis :D first day at uni on the diet and I ss'ed 100% so i am proud of myself, found the water really hard today, defo gonna make up for it tomorrow
Had a bad head all day, but nothing like yesterday, took some paracetemol at lunch and I was fine, bad the mistake of not getting any tetras this week so had to have my first shake at 8 and then couldnt have my other one till i got home at 6, i wasnt hungry in the slightest but i really really wanted food, i went to the kitchen to make my soup and found 6 take away leaflets and a subway discount book, i was sooo temepted but i managed to resist, although looking at the menu, i know i wouldnt have just gone and had one small thing i would have ended up eating 2 subways sandwichs (pig i know) or orderin pizza and fish and chips or somthing, although i couldnt have even eaten it
made broccoli and cheese soup and it was green, i couldnt even look at it, i had 2 mouth fulls and the rest had to go in the bin, so had chicken and mushroom instead, managed to distract myself for the rest of the night with assignments and chattin on msn, all my flatmates were going out last night, but i didnt think i could go and manage with just water yet, i was annoyed at myself for gettin to this size, that i have to do such a severe diet and miss out on things and then they all ordered pizzas and chinese so i stormed off to my room (have to apologise to them tomorrow) it aint their fault that i chose this diet, decided to treat myself and make truffles with my other pack, they were sooo nice, maybe not if u wernt on this diet, cos you could definatly taste the vitamins and minerals but for me they were gorgeous and just what i needed to help me with my cravings for somethin other than liquid
xxx
Had a bad head all day, but nothing like yesterday, took some paracetemol at lunch and I was fine, bad the mistake of not getting any tetras this week so had to have my first shake at 8 and then couldnt have my other one till i got home at 6, i wasnt hungry in the slightest but i really really wanted food, i went to the kitchen to make my soup and found 6 take away leaflets and a subway discount book, i was sooo temepted but i managed to resist, although looking at the menu, i know i wouldnt have just gone and had one small thing i would have ended up eating 2 subways sandwichs (pig i know) or orderin pizza and fish and chips or somthing, although i couldnt have even eaten it
made broccoli and cheese soup and it was green, i couldnt even look at it, i had 2 mouth fulls and the rest had to go in the bin, so had chicken and mushroom instead, managed to distract myself for the rest of the night with assignments and chattin on msn, all my flatmates were going out last night, but i didnt think i could go and manage with just water yet, i was annoyed at myself for gettin to this size, that i have to do such a severe diet and miss out on things and then they all ordered pizzas and chinese so i stormed off to my room (have to apologise to them tomorrow) it aint their fault that i chose this diet, decided to treat myself and make truffles with my other pack, they were sooo nice, maybe not if u wernt on this diet, cos you could definatly taste the vitamins and minerals but for me they were gorgeous and just what i needed to help me with my cravings for somethin other than liquid
xxx
Monday, 23 April 2007
22nd April 2007
Day 2 is over and it was horrible, i have been ill all day :( went to sleep hoping to feel btter but when i woke up i felt worse, had a shake and sum paracetomol and it did take it away a little bit, i dont know how to describe it, my head was killin, i felt really dizzy and weak, It has made me realise how many carbs i used to have tho, so with the carb, sugar and caffine withdrawls i shouldnt really expect much else, done well with the water though :)
Had a tomato soup and it smelt, looked and tatsted awful, so much that i couldnt even eat it!!!! think thats a first for me
xxx
Had a tomato soup and it smelt, looked and tatsted awful, so much that i couldnt even eat it!!!! think thats a first for me
xxx
Saturday, 21 April 2007
21st April 2007
Hi everyone
day 1 is nearly over, and it hasnt been to bad except my head is killing :( and i am presumin tomorrow is going to be worse.
Today i have had a chocolate shake, chicken and mushroom soup and choc mint shake and they have all been nice, on my 8th pint of water and me and nikki are havin our 2 pint challenge lol so should be 9 or 10 pints today :)
went into town and bought a blender (thank god) nd was supposed to buy some scales but ended up with teeth whitening kit and johnsons sun lotion hmmmm
everyone on minimins has been fab with their support after my thread about yesterdays diary post, looking forward to seein my losses :)
xxx
day 1 is nearly over, and it hasnt been to bad except my head is killing :( and i am presumin tomorrow is going to be worse.
Today i have had a chocolate shake, chicken and mushroom soup and choc mint shake and they have all been nice, on my 8th pint of water and me and nikki are havin our 2 pint challenge lol so should be 9 or 10 pints today :)
went into town and bought a blender (thank god) nd was supposed to buy some scales but ended up with teeth whitening kit and johnsons sun lotion hmmmm
everyone on minimins has been fab with their support after my thread about yesterdays diary post, looking forward to seein my losses :)
xxx
20th April 2007
It is my cousins wedding today, i had to buy a size 20 dress I am sooo annoyed at myself for gettin to this size, anyways the wedding ceromoney was fab and my cousins dress was amazing, even tho she is 7 months pregnant!!! after we had to have all the photos taken, so i tried to hide behind people because of my size :( I thought no one would notice but then people kept moving me to the front and I got upset bout it. After we went for the afternoon party and i felt sooo self conscious the whole time, next to all the pretty and thin girls and me in my 'tent'. Supposed to be at home getting changed for the night time now, but everything i try on either dosent fit or looks awful, i got annoyed at myself, cos i only have myself to blame but then i got really upset and started crying, I have rang my mam and told her i have been sick and have a bad head so i cant go tonight now, she is going mental with me for ruining everyones night, but i know if i go i will just be sat feeling awful and self conscious i wont have a good time and will end up spoiling everyone elses time so am staying at home now, all because am fat and greedy
xxx
xxx
Thursday, 19 April 2007
17th April 2007
Went to see Janice my CDC today, met a girl from Minimins and we went together, CDC weighed me and I got my food packs, bit nervous now cos I really want to do it this time, starting on Saturday because its my cousins wedding on Friday, have already had to turn down few nights out planned for next week, none of my family or friends think I can do it, which is even more reason for me to stick to it, I was aiming for 9st 7lbs but after speaking to another girl, I found out once your BMI gets to 25 you cant do SS so I am now going to aim to loose 4st taking me down to 10st 3lb, and a BMI of 24.5. Then see how I feel about loosing the extra weight then.
xxx
xxx
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