Staces journey

7th June

2007-06-07T13:33:00.000+01:00

Ok i havent posted on here in ages am really sorry!!

i cheated :( fo 2 weeks i ate everything i liked its terrible, pizzas, sandwiches everything with loads of carbs, i felt so bad eating them, and felt i let everyone down

it started with a reallly bad craving for pizza, i thought ok ill let myelf have 2 slices (which i did) then it was kayleighs hen night 2 days later so i decided to healthy eat till then and enjoy her night, so went for an italian and few drinks, spent every morning saying this was a new day and just couldnt do it

last tue 29th may i started again, and went for a weigh in on the thursday and had managed to stay the same snce i had las seen my cdc which is 13 stone 3lbs i was soooo happy, stuck religously until Tue as it was my 20th birthday, i did have the day off and managed to portion control so i am very very happy :) however yesterday i still had food :( but today i am bk to ss and feeling very confident, hoping to see cdc on Saturday morning and to have stayed the same :) so fingers crossed for me guys :)

update on everything else, i ended what ever i had with davie, i realised he wasnt who i thought he was, i still like Phil he is such a lovely person but i just dont think i am ready for a relationship, i need to concentrate on being happy with myself first, i have started my new job @ barclays and i love it!!! made few new friends too :)

so back to ss and i promise to keep posting from now on :)

oh and this is technically week 5 off my diet and week 6 will start on saturday :)

xxx

13th May 2007

2007-05-13T23:06:00.000+01:00

weigh in day today and didnt do as well as i had hoped :(
lost 3lb, thought i would have lost more cos of exercise, cudnt have stuck to diet anymore than i did, have lost 7 inches this week tho, and if am honest, yes i wanna be 'healthly' but i do wanna look better to, so inches matter a lot!!!

went to see my mam and step dad neil today, they really encourage me on my diet and say they love seein me loose weight and that i make them proud which is fab

had nice chat with heather my cdc she is fab!!! cudnt do this without her, she is going to take photos next week!!!! best remember make up hahahah, also startin add a meal next sunday too so gonna go for some shoppin this week

i can do this!!!

xxx

12th May 2007

2007-05-13T23:00:00.000+01:00

officially 3 weeks since starting cambridge diet, really cant believe i have lasted this long, dont think anyone else can either lol, am determined to prove them all that although i have zero will poer, that because i am determined enough to do this that i will!!!

david came round today, gettin on really well, he even commented on me loosin weight!!! brownie points for him lol, managed around 3 litres of water, so not as good as the rest of the week but still good :)

craving pizza soooo badly today, sat here crying cos i want food but cant have it, cant thank Nikki enough for makin me realise i dont want or neeed it, and she is soo right, would have felt sooo bad if i ate it, thanks to Mark to for listenin to me go on and on and on about it hhaha

went into town tonight and managed to stick to water!!! so impressed with myself, its weigh in da tomorrow hope i have done well

xxx

p.s thanks Nikki ya a star dunno what i would do without ya, looking forward to our 2 pint challenge hhaa

11th May 2007

2007-05-13T22:57:00.000+01:00

went swimming again today, joined the sunderland club and now get to swim for free for 2 hours a day at certain times so now i dont have any excuse not to go hahha

starting to enjoy swimming, managed 50 lengths then my arms and legs started to ache so gave up, dont wanna push myself then end up hating the thought of goin cos at the min i actually enjoy it :)

managed loads of water today again, and managed my 3 packs a day which is always good hahhaha feel really positive and defo dont wanna give in, so glad i have stuck it out, people are startin to notice a difference which is fab :)

xxx

10th May 2007

2007-05-13T22:54:00.000+01:00

Was going to go and see my mam today, but had loads of work to do :( managed really really well with the water tho :)

had my 3 packs, i love choc tetras sooooo much, was gonna go swimming but thought i shoud let my body recover a bit first lol think its in shock

feel soooo much healthier in general i love it, my skin and hair look loads better too

cant wait to be thin :) am actaully starting to like this diet!!! how strange

xxx

9th May 2007

2007-05-10T17:02:00.000+01:00

day 18 and i am doin really really well

over half way through week 3 and it is honestly gettin easier!!!

went swimmin on my own today, was sooooo scared and mortified, but i managed it i am sooo proud of myself!!! managed 50 lengths then got scared cos i had to get out and everyone would see all my fat, but i managed it quite well i think, i walked there again :) so its all good, i am hoping for a 6lb loss this week but we shall see, i will be happy with anything from 3lb plus :)

managed really well with the water again :) jus still not gettin much uni work done

xxx

8th May 2007

2007-05-08T22:29:00.000+01:00

had such a fab day i feel soooo positive and happy and full of energy i love it!!!

i have managed 10 pints of water again!!!! very pleased with myself

and i walked to newcastle road baths its a few miles took me around 30 mins, and then i went swimming and did 30 lengths i am sooooo proud of myself cos i never ever do exercise, feel sooo positive

met jona for lunch and he had a sausage sandwich n i didnt even want it!!!

got loads of uni work done too

soooooo soooo happy!!!!

xxx

7th May 2007

2007-05-08T22:27:00.000+01:00

its bank holiday monday and i cant go out n drink, oh well always next year when am thin hahahah

got quiet a bit of uni work done, and drank soooooo much water, i had 10 pints i am realy peased with mysel, this weeks aim is to stick to 8-10 pints of water a day, hoping for a big loss of 6lb to get me in the 12 stones section

had such a crap few weeks but hopefully things are improving, although this diet is very very hard i can def feel the benefits i have sooo much more energy i love it

anyone reading this thinkin of starting cd, do it!!!

xxx

6th May 2007

2007-05-08T22:22:00.000+01:00

went to see my mam today, my mam, dad n nana n granda all said they can see that i have lost weight n that my skin looks much healthier etc, so i was realy pleased with myself

met verity today :) and her sister adele and they are really nice :) am really glad i met them and hope we can all be good mates :)

met heather my new cdc and she is fab, i really like her, was there for a while, she wasreally chatty and easy to get on with, she weighed me and i have lost 5lb since my last weigh in, but were different scales too, she also measured me, which my old cdc didnt do, and wrote down my weight n measurements on a card to take each time, looking forward to seeing the numbers go down

Had a date with phil tonight, wen for a drink, and i had water , i am sooo proud of myself, had a really nice time, he seems really genuine :)

xxx

5th May 2007

2007-05-08T22:13:00.000+01:00

Seen David again today, he is really really nice

had my 3 food packs, but still not doin well with the water :( only had around 4 pints
had some wierd cravings for food today

i wanted :

pizza
cheesy chips n garlic sauce
cheese pastie
chicken n stuffin sandwich
chips n curry sauce
chinese
omlettes

hhahah but i didnt give in, jus kept thinkin of being thin and happy

xxx

4th May 2007

2007-05-05T23:11:00.000+01:00

day 13 and a big achievement today!!! i met jonathon in town and went to macdonalds while he had his dinner and i didnt eat a thing, i am sooo pleased with myself, infact i wasnt even tempted, which is strange

had a date tonight with David, he seems really really nice, very different compared to my ex's which can only be a good thing hhahaha, we had such a laugh and got on really well, and then he text me wen he go home to say he had a fab time :) and seeing him again tomorrow :)

realised i havent had a single pack today, which aint good :( cant believe i forgot to feed myself, thats sooo unlike me, didnt even feel hungry

must try harder with the water!!!

xxx

3rd May 2007

2007-05-05T22:42:00.000+01:00

Managed to have all my packs today and quite a bit of water

was my aunties funeral, and a few people commented on my weight loss :) and i tried on a size 14 pair of trousers and i could fasten them :) still gonna need to wait a week or 2 before i wear them but they made me feel sooo happy, i havent worn size 14's since school i dont think, determined to stick to cd, i love the results soooo hard but worth it :)

xxx

2nd May 2007

2007-05-02T17:05:00.000+01:00

another horrible day, this week has been the week from hell

first there was the ex - bingin - being sick
then i was my nanas inquest into her death :(
then my aunties death yesterday :(
today i got £230 of bank charges to my account, and bank wont allow me to pay it offin instalments, am not even working :(

i also have 16 assignments, 50 hour placement, a journal and a presentation to do by the end of may :(

havent done well with water so far, gonna try and drink loads now

xxx

1st May 2007

2007-05-02T17:01:00.000+01:00

Horrible horrible day, found out this morning that my auntie Carol has died, she was very ill with cancer, but i am still in shock, i feel really guilty cos i didnt go and see her in hospital last week cos i decided to do my assignments instead, i feel so horrible

Have done well on diet today, managed 8 pints of water, and i also made some jelly today so was really pleased with myself for that!!! had truffles, tetra and a shake today so quite happy

day 1 on 28 challenge a success :)

xxx

r.i.p auntie Carol

30th April 2007

2007-05-01T11:55:00.000+01:00

Day 10 and i am back in ketosis, so very very happy :) i love being in ketosis

drank lots of water today :) and went swimming!!! first time i have done any exercise in ages and i actually really really enjoyed it, done 30 lengths, aiming to do an extra 5 each time, i am really pleased with myself for getting to the baths and making the effort

been speakin to Verity some-more looking forward to meeting her and her sister next week :)

xxx

29th April 2007

2007-05-01T11:49:00.000+01:00

Went to my mams today, and we went to asda, and i was really good and not tempted by all the lovely food!!! my mam and dad felt guilty about eating infront of me, so i went and had a bath while they had lunch bless them. Went to visit my nana and granda too (brownie points for me) and my mam had told them bout my diet, so as soon as i went in, i got ooooo u loook fantastic etc, they are soo sweet lol, i couldnt stop laughin at them.

tried making chocolate moosse but it tasted awful!!!! hopefully next time will be better, done really well with the water today and tried some of the sunshine orange water flavouring, was quite nice.

Found out about a cdc in south shields, from Verity from minimins today, have emailed her and am going to switch to her next week, as my cdc, isnt very useful to me and dosent spend a lot of time trying to help us. Verity seems lovely, and we are gonna meet up and go together, nice to make new friends, especially ones doin this diet

xxx

28th April 2007

2007-04-29T09:57:00.000+01:00

Day 8, and the worst day so far, i am not in the slightest bit hungry and feeling so so guilty about last night's blip :(

seriously considering giving up on cd and switching to sw instead, i know it is'nt the right choice to make, and that i need a 'break from food' in order to sort out my issues but its sooo hard not to eat, its not natural to not have food, having had 19 years of eating what ever food and however much food i want to sticking to 3 shakes a day, it has to be on of the hardest things i will ever do. I know WHEN i manage it i will be soo proud of myself, its just gonna take a lot of time and effort, i have images of what i need to focus on but food is soo tempting, its evil tho!!!

I now realise weekends are my downfall, so although i am looking for a weekday job, i am considering working on a weekend too in order that it will be less time for me to eat, also the extra money can pay off my debts.

bad bad day, looking forward to tomorrow to re-start all positive!!!

xxx

big hugs and love to minimins yas r fab, couldnt do this without yas

xxx

27th April 2007

2007-04-27T20:42:00.000+01:00

OMG wat an awful day :(

started off really good, went shopping with kayleigh and had really nice time, went back to hers and helped her make truffles :)

went for my weigh in and have lost 8lbs honestly thought i would have lost more than that so bit gutted, it is due for totm tho. Then my ex started being nasty and winding me up about his new girlfriend and i ended up going to the cash machine gettin money out jus to have a binge :( i had a egg mayo sandwich, 3 bags of crisps and 4 bars of chocolate :( i feel so so bad, my tummy killed so much and i cdnt stop cryin, thank god for minimins otherwise i dont no how i wud cope, thanks to anyone from minimins who is reading who helps support me and keeps me sane :) and i feel i have to admit i have made myself sick :( i am never ever cheating again i feel so bad

so tomorrow is a new day :)

xxx

26th April 2007

2007-04-27T20:38:00.000+01:00

I havent done well with the water today :( was supposed to and see my mam today but we both had loads on so stayed at home to do my uni work.

made a muffin but unfortunatly i burned it to a crisp, it was soooo hard and tasted of black toast so i cudnt even eat it :( i was looking forward to it to, felt reall hungry all day today so split my packs into 5 and it made things a bit easier, also with all the uni work i am doin i needed a lot of little boosts of food rather than just the 3. Its Leighs birthday night out tonight and i am no going, one cos of uni work but 2 cos i really really dont think i can possibly go out and not rink, i know what state they are goin to be in, she is not impressed tho, but they cant possibly understand how hard it is until ya have tried it.

xxx

25th April 2007

2007-04-26T08:53:00.000+01:00

Day 5 and i am now really looking forward to my weigh in, i must have definalty lost cos i feel a lot better in myself already, think thats mainly cos i am not bloated etc, and managed with the water really really well today, so i am very pleased, although i do still crave foods, i havent even thought about eating anything in the sightest and havent had to remind myself 'moment on the lips, life time on the hips' hhahha

I met kayleigh through minimins and we went to meet our cdc together, since then we have text eachother a lot for support and things and we are gonna meet up next week to try and make some of the 'cooked' packs, she has just sent me the loveliest text sayin how she feels she has known me forever and do i wanna go on her hen night in may :D how sweet, worked out its even in the add a meal week so hopefully i can jus have chicken when we go for the meal and then drink water all night, i really dont want to give in, cos i dont think i could cope with day 1 to 3 again.

made myself a treat tonight a kinda mint mars bar mmmmm was quite nice i made the1/2 the vanilla pack into a chocolate bar and then 1/2 the mint choc pack into abar when they were nearly done i put them on top of eachother in kinda of a mars bar shape, and it was well nice :D

xxx

24th April 2007

2007-04-26T08:47:00.000+01:00

day 4 which means over half the first week over now :D and i am doing really well, am quite impressed with myself cos i never thought i could stick to it and feel this positive by now, by day 3 on ll last year i was ready to give up, and this time has been harder due to basically 'student life' of drink and takeaways constantally in my house

I have come to the conclusion that i feel i am more positive this time, because i chose to do it off my own back rather than last time when it was cos i was sick and tired of all my family going on about my weight and then my mam suggesting ll so i did it without really thinking or preparing myself fully. Also last time i feel it was a kind of show, everyone was constantly asking what i was having next etc, or they would go ou the house if they wanted to eat, which done my head in, this time it seems a lot more normal now that i live in student halls cos tbh no one is really that bothered what am eating, although dont get me wrong they do keep asking how i am doing :)

done ok with the water today, had such a stressful day at uni, been given the most ridicoulous amounts of assignments to do, but next week is my last week of teaching so as soon as the assignments are in i am finished, so i dont really have time to eat anyways hahha

xxx

23rd April 2007

2007-04-24T08:56:00.000+01:00

Day 3 and I am officially in Ketosis :D first day at uni on the diet and I ss'ed 100% so i am proud of myself, found the water really hard today, defo gonna make up for it tomorrow

Had a bad head all day, but nothing like yesterday, took some paracetemol at lunch and I was fine, bad the mistake of not getting any tetras this week so had to have my first shake at 8 and then couldnt have my other one till i got home at 6, i wasnt hungry in the slightest but i really really wanted food, i went to the kitchen to make my soup and found 6 take away leaflets and a subway discount book, i was sooo temepted but i managed to resist, although looking at the menu, i know i wouldnt have just gone and had one small thing i would have ended up eating 2 subways sandwichs (pig i know) or orderin pizza and fish and chips or somthing, although i couldnt have even eaten it

made broccoli and cheese soup and it was green, i couldnt even look at it, i had 2 mouth fulls and the rest had to go in the bin, so had chicken and mushroom instead, managed to distract myself for the rest of the night with assignments and chattin on msn, all my flatmates were going out last night, but i didnt think i could go and manage with just water yet, i was annoyed at myself for gettin to this size, that i have to do such a severe diet and miss out on things and then they all ordered pizzas and chinese so i stormed off to my room (have to apologise to them tomorrow) it aint their fault that i chose this diet, decided to treat myself and make truffles with my other pack, they were sooo nice, maybe not if u wernt on this diet, cos you could definatly taste the vitamins and minerals but for me they were gorgeous and just what i needed to help me with my cravings for somethin other than liquid

xxx

22nd April 2007

2007-04-23T20:45:00.000+01:00

Day 2 is over and it was horrible, i have been ill all day :( went to sleep hoping to feel btter but when i woke up i felt worse, had a shake and sum paracetomol and it did take it away a little bit, i dont know how to describe it, my head was killin, i felt really dizzy and weak, It has made me realise how many carbs i used to have tho, so with the carb, sugar and caffine withdrawls i shouldnt really expect much else, done well with the water though :)

Had a tomato soup and it smelt, looked and tatsted awful, so much that i couldnt even eat it!!!! think thats a first for me

xxx

21st April 2007

2007-04-21T22:25:00.000+01:00

Hi everyone

day 1 is nearly over, and it hasnt been to bad except my head is killing :( and i am presumin tomorrow is going to be worse.

Today i have had a chocolate shake, chicken and mushroom soup and choc mint shake and they have all been nice, on my 8th pint of water and me and nikki are havin our 2 pint challenge lol so should be 9 or 10 pints today :)

went into town and bought a blender (thank god) nd was supposed to buy some scales but ended up with teeth whitening kit and johnsons sun lotion hmmmm

everyone on minimins has been fab with their support after my thread about yesterdays diary post, looking forward to seein my losses :)

xxx

20th April 2007

2007-04-21T09:57:00.000+01:00

It is my cousins wedding today, i had to buy a size 20 dress I am sooo annoyed at myself for gettin to this size, anyways the wedding ceromoney was fab and my cousins dress was amazing, even tho she is 7 months pregnant!!! after we had to have all the photos taken, so i tried to hide behind people because of my size :( I thought no one would notice but then people kept moving me to the front and I got upset bout it. After we went for the afternoon party and i felt sooo self conscious the whole time, next to all the pretty and thin girls and me in my 'tent'. Supposed to be at home getting changed for the night time now, but everything i try on either dosent fit or looks awful, i got annoyed at myself, cos i only have myself to blame but then i got really upset and started crying, I have rang my mam and told her i have been sick and have a bad head so i cant go tonight now, she is going mental with me for ruining everyones night, but i know if i go i will just be sat feeling awful and self conscious i wont have a good time and will end up spoiling everyone elses time so am staying at home now, all because am fat and greedy

xxx

17th April 2007

2007-04-19T09:56:00.000+01:00

Went to see Janice my CDC today, met a girl from Minimins and we went together, CDC weighed me and I got my food packs, bit nervous now cos I really want to do it this time, starting on Saturday because its my cousins wedding on Friday, have already had to turn down few nights out planned for next week, none of my family or friends think I can do it, which is even more reason for me to stick to it, I was aiming for 9st 7lbs but after speaking to another girl, I found out once your BMI gets to 25 you cant do SS so I am now going to aim to loose 4st taking me down to 10st 3lb, and a BMI of 24.5. Then see how I feel about loosing the extra weight then.

xxx